Today we are having a prolonged visit with James. He is quiet, but he has been awake several hours and has been full of smiles. A couple of months ago his meds were reduced slightly to see if some of the side effects (tremors, teeth clicking, sleepiness) would abate or improve. For a while there was notable improvement, but James has more or less slid back into the previous state. Today I have been surprised at his alertness, his unprompted speech (minimal, but more than usual), and his cheerfulness.
I don't know whether this is a surprising thing for me to say or not, but today I do not think James is about to die. We have been on such a long trajectory of decline that it's hard for me to believe I feel that way. While I don't expect him to bounce back to where he was four years ago, I think he could stick around for a long while like he is. It is clear that James is happy and not suffering, and he is not worried about what he cannot do for himself. He has always loved being taken care of. Today and lately I am praying that God will sustain us for however long this haul is, physically, financially, emotionally, and every other way we need. It's fairly expensive for a retired guy to support his household, but I am absolutely sure it was (and is) the right thing for us and James.
I feel a little stronger myself - for the last five years I have been (unsurprisingly) quite depressed and needed a lot of sleep, but that seems to be changing. I am working harder on my physical activity - more cardio, including swimming laps. Lord willing, I will get back to a place where I can do some part-time work of a more lucrative nature, AND figure out what that might be. Does anyone need a revocable living trust or a will? I also passed my notary public exam and am waiting for my commission to wind its way through the Secretary of State's office.
The summer break has been very good for Mary. We enjoyed a short trip to Gilroy for the Garlic Festival, including a stop in Salinas for the Steinbeck Center. I think she will be rested and ready for the school year, although there have been a lot of changes at her school which may make things more difficult in some ways.
James is still going to a day program three days a week. At a recent meeting of caregivers, some suggested that he go back up to four days, but we think that might be too much. James's opinion was clear: he does not want to do it. Of course, if I had the caregivers James has, I would want to hang out with them as well. Thank God for June, Chika, Justin and James the Cargiver - they are all sooooooooo amazingly good and loving.
We would not be here without your faithful prayers - thank you so much. B
