6.6.2013 - Goodbye

Things have coasted along so steadily that I almost forgot about this blog.  James seemed to gather a little more energy recently; he decided he would go to his day program more often.  Mom and Dad would visit often and see his smiling face, watch a little TV, eat a snack, and play cards.  We were in for the long haul.

Wednesday night, June 5, I got a text from a caregiver that James had had a one-minute seizure.  He was given Ativan and that was that - situation normal.  The next morning, we got urgent calls and headed to Livermore.  James was having a long seizure - 5 minutes, longer than he had had in a long time.  When we got there, he was gone.  There was no pain, no long suffering; our James was in heaven.

Later we heard from James's neurologist about "SUDEP" - sudden unexpected death in epilepsy.  People who have uncontrolled seizures and other neurological issues (like cerebral palsy) have a higher risk for this syndrome. Well, check and double-check.

As I recall, I started this blog when we were going through the unbelievable trauma of 2007.  I believe it was then that we did our serious grieving, having our hopes for better control dashed, spending every major and minor holiday in the hospital, trying to keep the home fires burning and the homework turned in ... We knew the direction things were heading then, but a long period of relative stability lulled us into a routine.  We are of course tremendously sad not to have our happy, sweet boy with us anymore, but we know his extreme limitations and troubles are over.

Our celebration of James's life will take place on June 23, at 4.00 pm, at Valley Christian Center in Dublin.  I have been scanning pictures for hours.  We are glad that some family is coming.  We have had superlative support from our churches, Mary's co-workers and friends far and wide.  In days to come, we will get his house in order, but now we are just thinking about what a wonderful gift we were given in James.  God taught us a lot about patience, but love is what we remember.

5.12.2012 - Long, stable period

5.21.2012 - Long, stable period

I had not realized it had been such a long time since I updated you concerning James.  Thank God, things have been very much the same the whole time.  He is happy, in no pain, and is well-cared for.  He is getting ever fluffier, though - I think he is over 160 now.  One can't manhandle him to and from bed or wheelchair like in the past; however, we have a very nice Hoyer lift that James calls his "flying machine".  When he comes over for a visit (as he did for Mother's Day), we just hoist him from the van straight into a recliner.

James still goes to the GARDEN in Livermore (http://www.futures-explored.org) two days a week (Monday and Friday).  Sometimes he asks to go on other days, and if there is time to contact them, the bus comes and gets him.  He sleeps a lot, watches television (mostly game shows, although he seems to like Fairly Odd Parents as well), and goes on nice neighborhood "walks".  He still has his preferences and enjoys food sometimes:  when I ask what he wants me to bring next time, usually it is chili dogs or various Taco Bell offerings.

One annoyance:  his wheelchair has needed a lot of attention recently.  The front wheels needed replacing, then a week later, one fell off during a walk and had to be replaced again.  I am still grateful for our generous Chevron insurance plan, although it does come at significant cost.

The next time you hear about state budget cuts to "adult home services" or "independent living services", that is James they are talking about.  The fantastic agencies that provide these services are under the same kind of pressure in California that everything else is, but they have never left us high and dry.  Where there are gaps, we pitch in (mostly Mary!), and we are (Mary is) glad to do so.  I worry about the others who do not have family to help them, though.

Above is a recent picture with our beloved dentist, Dr. Nakhla.  She calls James her "angel", but so is she.

Enough!  Please keep praying that James stays healthy and happy.  B

05.06.11 - Another new g-tube

James and I had an extended visit today in the ER. I got a call (mid-Cup of Coffee 1!) that he was complaining of pain in his stomach and his tube site was bleeding. I went as fast as I could get there and took him to Walnut Creek for replacement of the tube. By the time we got to the triage nurse, the tube was all the way out. I am told that stomachs close up quickly, but fortunately James's did not. The new tube slid in smoothly, although it is stiffer than the last one and sticks straight out. We are hoping that it softens up some.

The only issue is he did not get his noon dose of meds until 3.45 (had to go in through the new tube, new tube placement required a confirming X-ray, etc.). Consequently he had a few very minor seizures (blinking, staring). I am grateful because it could have been so much worse. As usual, James wanted to stay at the hospital, but I am sure he will get another visit later.

I'm uploading a picture that I love - it's a little old, but it makes me happy. That cell phone was one of about seven that James had; he's not thinking about cell phones these days.

In general, James is okay. He goes to day program just twice a week, and he spends the rest of the time recovering. I have started harp lessons, and on Thursday evenings I go to his house with chili cheese dogs. We watch Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune and play a few games of Battle. I hold up his card and my card, and James points to which one wins. Mostly he beats me.

Love to you all. B

11.04.10 - James is home

I have to say I am shocked at how well James is bouncing back. He is still sleeping a lot, but he was before this episode. He has to finish his antibiotics and build up a tolerance for tube feeding again. Also, the doctor does not want him eating anything by mouth for a week; he suspects James's pneumonia was aspiration-related. James gave me an enormous hug and big smiles today. We will see when he can go back to the day program - he won't go tomorrow, anyway. Thanks millions for the prayers. B

11.02.10 - Better, we'll see

The plan was to move James out of ICU today. He still has a touch of fever, which is preventing the replacement of his temporary g-tube with a permanent one. I saw him yesterday and he at least had his eyes open. It warmed my heart that I was able to get him to smile - he liked my new "Clic" reading glasses that come apart at the nose piece (cf. Dr. Sid Hammerback on CSI:NY). That is the one and only smile we have seen, but it was a big one. James got a PICC line, a semi-permanent access for blood tests that will keep him from getting stuck multiple times for each test. James has never flinched or complained about this sticks, even when he was a little boy, but the techs are having a hard time finding veins.

We still are not sure what's going to happen. I believe James will be allowed to go home to his house because it is so well set up, but I don't know that he will bounce back to where he was. One palliative care nurse suggested that James was on a normal trajectory for people with CP - slowing of digestive tract, lung difficulties. We almost never think about James's CP diagnosis, but this makes sense.

Thank you for your prayers; I am feeling better. Magnificent Mary is at her best in this situation by the grace of God. I'll keep posting. B

10.31.10 - Improvement in many ways, but ...

Fever is gone, in part thanks to a new contraption: a chilled-water blanket attached to a dorm-sized refrigerator. White blood cell count is back to normal, and oxygen saturation is what it should be. This is good news, but James is still non-responsive. The most response we have gotten is when he shook his head while Mom was suctioning his throat.

I will admit that I have been pretty angry at God about our current situation. I know He is sovereign and can do what he wants, but I cannot understand why the sweetest human being on earth must linger in this terribly compromised body, and why his family must be beaten into submission by this illness especially after two deaths of people close to us in the last month. Bad and faithless Dad, huh? So you can see why those of you with more balanced perspective must pray all the more for us. Mary of course has rallied from her downtrodden, exhausted state as she always does, but of course I am on pins and needles and have a very persistent flare of gout. I feel childish, wanting someone to acknowledge my pain and either scold me or comfort me. Michael is being unusually supportive and sweet, to his everlasting credit.

I guess that is quite enough for now. Your prayers are working.

10.31.10 - ICU, fever, sepsis?

James is in ICU. He has signs of sepsis but is receiving antibiotics. Fever was 104, now 103. I think we are refusing a subclavian line. Keep praying, please. B

10.30.10 - History repeating itself

A friend asked recently how James was, and I fired off a short "about the same" reply. I was thinking I would post something here in that vein; sadly, I tell you that things have changed a lot in the last 24 hours.

This afternoon, during the World Series game, one of the caregivers called and said that James's "g-tube" had come out. I've lost count of how many g-tubes had to be changed because of clogs, tears, missing plugs, looseness, or just old-worn-out-ness. It is an annoyance, particularly on the weekend, when we must deal with the emergency department instead of the usual doctors. Mary took James up to Walnut Creek to handle the situation. She was informed that now the ER doctors don't do tubes, the interventional radiologist does them, even on the weekends. The IR was not available, but we did manage to get a temporary tube because JAMES COULD NOT RECEIVE HIS MEDS SIX TIMES A DAY WITHOUT IT. The doctor suggested a temporary "ng-tube", but we refused it, since he hates it and pulls it out, and since watching James get an ng-tube is the WORST THING I have ever experienced. He doesn't mind surgery a bit, but this procedure makes him scream and fight.

Well, we got the tube, but while there, James had a seizure. It had been a very long time since a "big" seizure, but it was only one, so Mary took him home. While we were having dinner, the caregiver called again - James was having another one. He got some Ativan, but the seizures have kept coming. James and Mary are back at the ER. The ambulance driver said his O2 saturation got down to 60 on the ride there. but he will not be intubated; the orders are in place. Mary called just now; his breathing is rapid and his saturation is staying at about 92 percent. His fingers on the right hand are blue.

Is this the trip? Lord, please show your hand and give us strength because we have none left. Mary will call again; pray for God's mercy and comfort whatever the result. B

7.25.10 - I don't know what to tell you, but keep praying

Today we are having a prolonged visit with James. He is quiet, but he has been awake several hours and has been full of smiles. A couple of months ago his meds were reduced slightly to see if some of the side effects (tremors, teeth clicking, sleepiness) would abate or improve. For a while there was notable improvement, but James has more or less slid back into the previous state. Today I have been surprised at his alertness, his unprompted speech (minimal, but more than usual), and his cheerfulness.

I don't know whether this is a surprising thing for me to say or not, but today I do not think James is about to die. We have been on such a long trajectory of decline that it's hard for me to believe I feel that way. While I don't expect him to bounce back to where he was four years ago, I think he could stick around for a long while like he is. It is clear that James is happy and not suffering, and he is not worried about what he cannot do for himself. He has always loved being taken care of. Today and lately I am praying that God will sustain us for however long this haul is, physically, financially, emotionally, and every other way we need. It's fairly expensive for a retired guy to support his household, but I am absolutely sure it was (and is) the right thing for us and James.

I feel a little stronger myself - for the last five years I have been (unsurprisingly) quite depressed and needed a lot of sleep, but that seems to be changing. I am working harder on my physical activity - more cardio, including swimming laps. Lord willing, I will get back to a place where I can do some part-time work of a more lucrative nature, AND figure out what that might be. Does anyone need a revocable living trust or a will? I also passed my notary public exam and am waiting for my commission to wind its way through the Secretary of State's office.

The summer break has been very good for Mary. We enjoyed a short trip to Gilroy for the Garlic Festival, including a stop in Salinas for the Steinbeck Center. I think she will be rested and ready for the school year, although there have been a lot of changes at her school which may make things more difficult in some ways.

James is still going to a day program three days a week. At a recent meeting of caregivers, some suggested that he go back up to four days, but we think that might be too much. James's opinion was clear: he does not want to do it. Of course, if I had the caregivers James has, I would want to hang out with them as well. Thank God for June, Chika, Justin and James the Cargiver - they are all sooooooooo amazingly good and loving.

We would not be here without your faithful prayers - thank you so much. B

Bless his tired little heart - 6.8.10

Mary and I visited James again tonight. He was cheerful and smiled a lot. June, his lead caregiver, had assembled a slide show of pictures that she played several times for us. I will get them copied and post some of them eventually.

June and James had been playing Tic-Tac-Toe, and when I sat down, I tried to finish with him. I could not get him to hold the pen, so I told him to point where he wanted his O. He won (surprised?).

I handed James a $5 bill and we talked about Abraham Lincoln for a little while. Then I asked him about our first president, George ... and James replied, "Washington!" It took him significant effort to get that out, but I am convinced as ever that James still knows everything he did. He is still himself.

We have been noticing more swelling on his right side (face, hand, arm, leg, foot) than on his left. I'm not sure what that is about.

James is only going to his day program three days a week now; when he was going 5 days, he would never be awake when we visited. Now at least he can visit with us for an hour or so.

I am very much relieved and blessed to announce that James's benefits have been extended indefinitely. I had sent stuff in about 6 weeks ago and finally heard today. What a relief; praise God.

Thank you all for your prayers for James and us. We know that God is in control and will uphold us during what seems to be coming. B

1.26.10 - No cheese pizza

Tonight Mary went to visit James. It is non unusual for him to be tired after his day program, but he was especially so tonight. He wanted the TV off, he did not want a CD to listen to, did not want Mom to read or sing to him - all he wanted was for Mom to rub his head. After a while of that, his hand came up and rubbed on Mom's head. You already know he is is the sweetest boy in the world; this is just more proof.

Tonight Mary asked James if he loved Jesus. He replied, "I don't like cheese pizza!" I guess he misheard - Jeezus, peetzah - but once that was straightened out, he confirmed that he loves Jesus. (We already know he loves sausage pizza.)

Over the weekend we all enjoyed a visit from Uncle Steve. James spent the night over here. He was in and out of consciousness as usual, but was glad for the company and the hubbub. Once he told Mom to move so he could look at Steve.

We appreciate your prayers so much. Mary is feeling stronger and so am I. James is cozy and loved. B

12.8.09 - Toes are warm

My toes are freezing, but no doubt James's are warm. He has a bright yellow tie-dye style blanket and a blanket of the United States, both of which were made for him. He has perhaps the best caregivers he has ever had, and as much love as anyone could hope for. This weekend he got a bigger TV, and Saturday night he stayed up until midnight watching it.

I don't know what to say about the rest of James. He is loved and safe and cozy, but he is losing ground slowly. He sleeps most of the day, and even when his eyes are open, he is not necessarily attentive. We don't know if he is having low-grade seizures a lot, but we cannot always get his attention. He talks very little - only nods if he has to, but of course he will still refuse coffee vocally. (That's our running joke with him.) A big smile from him is like a reward and always celebrated. He's weak, less able to help with transfers from bed to chair, etc., mostly does not support his head. He's not eating much, but the tube and liquid nutrition keep him healthy that way.

Viewed from his perspective, the minutes he is awake, spaced out through the day, are with people who love him and keep him clean and safe. He nods "yes" if we ask if he is happy. You or I would not find that a very satisfactory life, but he is content. We don't know how to pray for him anymore; mostly we pray that we will hold up and give him what he needs. B

9.30.09 - Up and down

It's late and all of a sudden I am all mopey and sad. I'd better get to bed, but first a report. A week and a half ago, James had a terrible episode of seizures while he was visiting us. Instead of his usual one night a week spent with us, he stayed two so we could get him under control. Mary went and changed into her hospital outfit (green pants, Hawaiian shirt, all permanent press and comfy) and grabbed her hospital bag (plastic, covered with watermelons, containing useful things one might need while staying with James in the hospital). Several times she was ready to haul him to the emergency room, but we gave him more Ativan and waited. Seizures came, stopped for a while, came again, stopped again, came again, and finally stopped on Sunday morning. By this time he had had 12 mg of Ativan since midnight Friday, and he could do nothing but sleep. It took all Mary and I both had to get him in the car and to his place on Sunday.

What a difference a week makes! While James slept a lot, as he frequently does now, he was awake and talking. One of the things he was talking about was slings, like David used to kill Goliath. James's favorite Bible video features the voice of Robbie Benson as David and Herschel Bernardi as Goliath. He told us, "I wish I had a sling so I could kill lions and bears!" For about an hour after that, we all pretended to sling rocks and kill various feral imaginary creatures in our backyard. We all had a good laugh about that. James was able to help more with transfers from and to the wheelchair, which is certainly a blessing.

Please pray for James's tummy. He is going to see the ostomy nurse next month. We have lost count as to how many gastric tubes he has had, but (without grotesque details) the site is red and a little oozy. We would have lost James two years ago without the "G-tube", and he still gets most of his nutrition (and all his meds) in liquid form through it. Now he is a big fat pig of about 140 pounds, well-nourished and medicated to the point of absurdity. I don't know how he stays awake at all.

Tonight I thought about how impulsive and hyperactive and just plain wiggly he was as a preschooler. I remember it was impossible for him to sit still in church, much to our frustration. I wish I could go back 20 years and hug him hard and apologize for not being grateful for that energy and joie de vivre. What a gift of love and faith and patience he is! I can't help mourning what we've lost, but he still has a huge part of our hearts. Good night, B

9/1/09 - So many little things

James has done really well for a fairly long time, but things are starting to unravel a little. He was having a seizure episode once a month, but now it's every two weeks. Tonight we had a report of general loopiness that we think was attributable to subclinical seizures. He let his tongue hang out of his mouth for a long time without retracting it - this is something totally new. After one Ativan, he was able to tell Mom good night on the phone. I am concerned that he is outgrowing his doses of anti-seizure medication, and they are already huge doses. He has continued to gain weight (I would call him "robust" now; we'll get a weight at the doctor's, I hope). He is weak, though, from the emergency Ativan doses and seizures, and a lot more to lift.

James is on the third year of having a feeding tube in his stomach, and as the hole through to his stomach got bigger, the tubes have gotten bigger. That is good news for feeding and meds; one of his meds is "sprinkles" that would often clog the tube up, and that's much easier now. However the site on his abdomen where the tube comes out gets red and sometimes oozy. I don't know if we are stuck with that as long as he has the tube, or what they would do if the hole got larger still.

James also has had trouble keeping his food down. At the moment he seems back to normal in this area, but with all these things going on, he is tired, not talking, and not terribly responsive. Mary is discouraged and so am I. On the brighter side, we are keeping things up better around the house, even cooking a few meals and cleaning up after ourselves. Michael is being so much help and learning skills he will need before long. It is still hard to stay on track when James is not doing well.

I don't think James is in mortal danger or anything, but his quality of life is so discouraging to us right now. Bless him, James never complains, always loves. Please pray for all of us. B

7.7.09 - Now We are 24

We celebrated James's 24th birthday with family and friends at Chili's. As he usually does, he ordered "beef and chicken fajitas with no sour cream, double glockamoly". He ate a lot of chips before they came, though, and could only eat one tortilla full. He will have the rest tomorrow at his day program. He was full enough that he even turned down a cupcake. We were all surprised when he managed to blow out all 24 candles with one puff.

"Stable" continues to be the word. James has had some "nausea-plus", but not any serious episodes of seizures. "Transfers" (i.e., from car to wheelchair, from bed to chair, etc.) seem to be better; James seems to have better leg strength. Lately he has been talking more (and asking for more). He wanted 24 presents since he was 24 years old, so the presents were tiny. He got several new card games and a "Trouble" game where the die is in a popper and does not go all over the room. This idea's time came a long time ago.

Thank you for continued prayers for our angel. B

6.10.09 - "Stable"

I guess "stable" is the word of the day lately. James has not gotten worse in any way, and in some ways he is getting better, a little, very slowly. Last Friday Michael walked him in from the car, and that has not happened in months. James is starting to show more interest in food and even going to the grocery store. Last Friday he was worried about "Doritos in the red bag" and "blueberry muffins". He would mention every ten minutes or so that we needed to go and get them, and he wanted to go when the time came. He wore himself out on Sunny D recently, so we have a whole case here.

I am grateful to you for your prayers and support. James is still cheery and loving. He has little rashes and infections that require trips to the doctor. The last time we went for a feeding tube replacement, they gave us an extra, and one of the caregivers can replace it if necessary. There are many small annoyances, but the good news is that James is well-nourished, eating "recreationally", comfortable in the new wheelchair (green again - his favorite color these days), and social. I'll try to update again soon. B

3.27.09 - The good news is ...

James is not in any pain.
He sleeps a lot.
He has been pretty close to seizure-free.
He still has a ready smile for his dad and his friends. Recently I realized that James cannot smile insincerely; if he smiles, he beams.
He can still eat Cheetos and drink through a straw some of the time.
When he needs something, he will tell us.
He has wonderful caregivers and lots of people who love him.
He believes in and loves the God we also adore, and we know that He will work James's situation for His good and His glory.

We will be getting a new wheelchair in the near future. James needs one with a reclining back, since he can't sit up straight on his own anymore. A harness to hold him up was deemed inappropriate because of James's scoliosis. (We've known about that for years. In the grand scheme, it's minor.)

James had a bunch of friends visit his house recently. He had an "open house" for his supported living agency, so potential clients could see how it works. He made sure and told us about his friends' coming.

Mostly James has been making it to his day program and eating solid food. We substitute tube feedings when he is weak or asleep. He's lost abot 4 more pounds this month (127). He has a little runny-nose virus right now and will stay home tomorrow.

James may get a a special, slide-in-and-out bathtub chair, since no one can really transfer him anymore into or out of the tub. He may also get a speaking device like a friend of his has, since he does not talk much anymore. His care agency is ramrodding these projects.

James's mom and dad are making sure he is loved and safe at all times. We don't think we will ever do better as far as seizure meds go, and he may not ever be any stronger. His needs are many, and yet they are mostly simple, and they are met. I don't know how to tell you to pray for him; there are no crises, but he grows weaker.

Mary and I were talking about the so-called stages of grief. We were in denial most of James's life in one way or another. We were angry when we couldn't get what we thought was appropriate diagnosis and care. We bargained with God a lot; I can't tell you how many times I offered myself as a substitute. I think I went through depression (stage 4) earlier than Mary; she is still having a very hard time. We will be ready to accept James's fate, whatever it is and whenever it comes, but we still pray for our own strength and that James remains happy, pain-free and very obviously loved.

Words fail me, but I know God's love does not fail. Keep praying. B

February 21 2009 - Lost some ...

James has had a number of appointments recently. The GI doctor says he probably has some gastroparesis (partial paralysis of stomach muscles, which accounts for nausea and vomiting, and yes, I spelled it right the first time). The neurologist was encouraged by James's lack of seizures and was afraid to lower his doses since he is doing well in that area. Mary was encouraged that there were answers to our questions, and that the neuro said he was doing better than expected, but poor James is so extremely doped all the time.

Gastro doctor said to check residual in stomach and remove via tube if it did not drain on its own. We did that over the weekend, and James's stomach was behaving normally. He was still coughing and retching, even though the stomach was empty. So much for that.

Last Sunday (2.15) James had his first big seizure since Christmas Eve. Mary automatically gave him a dose of Ativan that was probably more than necessary, since he has not had any in a long while. By Wednesday James was more perky and responsive when Mary saw him. This week he weighed 131, which is a healthy weight for James, but 10 pounds lighter than last month.

Next week, the wheelchair vendor will come to measure James for "modifications". He has a fixed-back wheelchair, but now he is too weak to sit up on his own. Probably he will get a harness that will help him sit up. At home or here, he is in an easy chair and can recline.

All I can do at this point is love him and pray for him. I am not functioning at a normal level; I sleep a whole lot and keep very odd hours (note time stamp; this is early). Mary manages better, but she is also tired and depressed. Please pray for us all. Thanks, B

1.21.09 - Due for an update

James had five trips to the ER in December and has already had one in January. Three times he was in "status epilepticus" (sp?), i.e., seizures would not stop even with the meds we gave him. After two hospitalizations, James's anti-seizure meds were increased significantly. Since then, we have taken him twice for uncontrolled vomiting and once to replace a broken feeding tube.

The nausea has flared up a couple of times recently, but James has not had any significant seizure trouble (probably some "absence" or "petit mal" activity, but nothing that goes on and on) since Christmas Eve. He has been going to his day program, where he plays games and visits. The downside now is that he is kind of zombie-like: sleeps a lot, can't really pay a whole lot of attention. This is sad, but at least we know he is not in any pain or distress.

Sometime back, someone wisely pointed out to me that James's seizures do not cause him any suffering; when he has them, he is unconscious, and he does not complain of pain afterwards. The nausea and vomiting are a different story. He bears up pretty well and does not complain even so, but there's not much quality of life for him.

We will be meeting with his caregivers and caseworker on Thursday (1.22) to discuss his current state and where we go from here. It may be time to find a more medically-capable group home for him or something. We gave James back to God a long time ago, and we trust Him to do the right thing, but we get pretty depressed seeing James in this state, and we keep praying that James will not suffer whatever else happens. He is just as full of love as ever, but he needs a whole lot of help. Keep praying for all of us, please. B

12/14/08 - Well, here we go again ...

We had been doing so well. James had the occasional blip, but he had not been hospitalized since January. (We had several trips to the ER to replace his feeding tube; they tear and the plug breaks off.) We even got brave enough to take him to Texas for Thanksgiving. We did not take his feeding pump, thinking he had been eating well and was unlikely to need it. I guess it was a mistake; he got constipated and threw up for six days. When we got home, we took him to the ER, where they changed his anti-nausea meds and gave him two liters of fluid. So far, so good.

A week ago on Saturday, James started having continuous seizures - 25 minutes. We called 911 and were taken to the local ER. The paramedics pumped him with everything they had, and he was still seizing. At the ER, they threw the kitchen sink at him and finally got the seizures to stop. They did a culture to see if he had an infection (a little foreshadowing for your entertainment.)

Well, so they admitted him in Walnut Creek, once he was transferred up there. The doctors there made some more adjustments to his meds, and he hadn't had any seizures through Wednesday, so he came home. He actually went to his day program on Thursday and Friday, and felt great. He called me a couple of times and I could his happy voice (higher than his not-so-happy voice, and sounds like he is about to start giggling). Labs discovered some bacteria in one test, but a retest showed nothing. They assumed the bacteria from the first time was from the IV needle insertion.

Yesterday (Saturday, 12/13), he started having seizures again. This time, Mary drove him up to Walnut Creek herself. They got the seizures stopped easily (danke schoen, mein Gott!). The local ER had completed its culture, however, and the bacteria was definitely something. James is now on antibiotics. He was admitted to Kaiser Walnut Creek last night. Mary is there with him, and some friends may spell her tonight so she can come to the Christmas program where I am playing bass. We'll see what happens; Mary is generally there unless she cannot be, and this week she has another musical and attendant rehearsals, so I may have to spell her.

Please pray for us all. Mary has been and remains exhausted, and I am never a peak performer anymore. I take a real mental dive when James is in the hospital, and the role of "very sick child's dad" is just too heavy for me right now. Pray that this will get handled and James can settle back into his routine. I keep wondering if this is the beginning of the end, like we thought the last time was.

Here's a picture of a happy group in June. Thanks for your concern and prayers. B